new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
