i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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