I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
