so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
