make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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