You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
