Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
