4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
