Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize