the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
