so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
