This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
