turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
