I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
