I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm too high and old for this...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
