I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
