I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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