my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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