literally had 100 drinks last night.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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