All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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