who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
