my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The uberlube is also flammable
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
