Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
