my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
