Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
