just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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