I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
