Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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