Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
