You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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