Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
