I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
