Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
