i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we're making bets on your personal life
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
cat food counts as protein by the way
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
