So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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