So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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