You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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