he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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