is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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