wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
