I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
