I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
