You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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