Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Even my vagina gasped.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
