Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's shark week go big or go home
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
