I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
