I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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