found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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