yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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