you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
