Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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