i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
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come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
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Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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