he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
