the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
