I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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