Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
