Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
