Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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