Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
