Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
