1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
