I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I pour the whiskey from now on
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