I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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