I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
