I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
