you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
