Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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