Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
