Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
