He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
